Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Purity Boot Camp...a Woman’s Perspective (Day 22)

My husband is away on business and has asked me to guest write on his blog today. When he asked me last night, I was honored! He is such a perfectionist, without admittance, and hates to be watched! I am not sure how he deals with me (an over analyzer people watcher and nitpicker) but by the grace of God he does! I am writing today with a woman’s perspective on porn and P.O. R. N.
I currently write at this blog about faith, infertility, and everything that comes to mind, so feel free to snoop around my blog anytime! As I wrote this post, I realized that with every stroke of the key, I was speaking to myself. You can ask any good writer, we speak from experience, not from judgment.
To the women on the outside looking in:
As women we take everything so very personally and never really understand how to effectively reach our husbands. When you find out your husband is addicted to porn and not P.O.R.N you feel crushed. You feel betrayed. You feel un-beautiful. You completely shut down and either eat your way out of it, or starve your way out of it. When you discover the secret stash, you are disgusted at what you realize your husband finds attractive. You think, I thought he told me I was beautiful, yet I do not look like any of these airbrushed actresses. Your reactive behavior of venting to your girl friends doesn’t proactively let your husband know how hurt and betrayed you really are. You feel stuck because society says porn is natural and okay, but it isn’t. Porn isn’t any more natural than cheating. That’s right, cheating. If you wouldn’t do it in front of your spouse, don’t do it.  Those feelings, left unaided, eventually turn into you feeling resentment, anger, and hatred. You start picking yourself apart and your marriage begins to suffer.  You eventually become what you fear the most.
To the women on the inside:
Women are human beings.  They suffer with addiction just like anyone would, be it shopping, alcohol, food, or lust. To say that pornography is a man’s addiction is completely and utterly crazy.  Women might not sit behind the computer like a man and hide shamefully in the walls of their office, but they, just as men, can be deceived by the devil and his lustful down spiral. Women like to feel beautiful. Society says beauty is in porn. When we act like porn stars and dress like porn stars, we drown in lustfulness and sex as well- we tell our daughters it’s okay to dress and act the way TV and society acknowledge as okay- we give our daughters a false sense of beauty and our sons a fasle sense of love. Here is my problem with it all: women don’t hold themselves to the same standard as they do their husbands. They don’t want their husbands supporting the porn industry, but they do nothing to stop it! They are sitting in the parent pick up line at school reading 50 Shades of Grey, planning girls’ trips to see Magic Mike, and laughing at the fact that weekends include drinking with your husband and friends at the strip club. Women on the inside of this industry: when you support porn and not P.O. R. N. you are sending mixed signals of mediocrity to your husbands. You are setting up your self-esteem for failure. You are setting up your relationships, your children, and your family for failure. You send a message to your relationships, children, and family, that you do not value your body as a temple of the Lord. Your thinking of what society says is okay turns into a downward spiral of lust and acceptance through other men.  You become your worst nightmare—you eventually become unfaithful in life and you justify that with the addiction and actions of your husband.
To all women: 

What we fail to realize though, is that when we are speaking about any addiction, we aren’t speaking on the attack ofthe opposite spouse. That is, your spouse isn’t looking at porn because you aren’t good enough; your spouse is looking at porn because they are addicted. You don’t eat, shop, or gamble because you want to make your spouse mad, you eat, shop, or gamble because that is how you cope with your frustration.
Women, it is time that we take a stand. Stop settling for porn and start using P.O.R. N. Not only will your marriage grow, but you will see a change in your husband. If your husband is addicted to porn and acknowledges it as normal, pray for him, fast for him, and go to counseling without him (because I am sure he will not want to do that either at this point). If your husband is addicted to porn and wants to change, pray with him, fast with him, and go to counseling with him. The purity boot camp on P.O.R.N. Militia is so very powerful because it allows God to be first in your life and marriage.

I am posting a link to my blog post about women (here) the message on this particular post is a wonderful message to women everywhere.
Also, If you do not know who Leah Darrow is, check her out (here). She has a wonderful dvd about women getting out of the industry and into a life of faith-- you can read more about her on Chastity.com
If we want to change society for our children, we have to acknowledge that pornography is taking over. We have to take a stand—we have to become the industry’s worst nightmare. We have to be reverent, modest, and faithful.


  1. What an important message to women! Thanks for writing this. My husband thinks he is "too busy" to read Catholic blogs, but I went and signed him up to receive auto-emails from this site. (Now he has no choice). He has already commented to me on a few of them, let's hope some of your husband's good advice sinks in. Porn is practically considered normal and completely acceptable amongst our non-religious friends. We have our own struggles and are always in need of God's grace. I have 2 "Catholic" friends (moms) also reading "50 Shades of Gray"... which I find completely inappropriate. If you are looking for excitement and seduction, just go read The Book of Genesis. It's all in there. As women, we need to dress ourselves (and our kids) with dignity. It's a real struggle for men in today's society. I feel sorry for all of them, with what they face on a daily basis.
    God Bless.

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