Thursday, October 11, 2012

My Anniversary

The Holy Father has declared today, October 11, 2012, the first day of the "Year of Faith" but for me it's much more special than that- today is the 9th anniversary of me being fully Catholic. I'm thankful for my abnormal confirmation date (most people come into communion with the Church at Easter but I'm a rare exception) because it's in the month of the Rosary (October) and was in the year of the Rosary(which ended at the close of October 2003). Just recently I consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary on the feast of Our Lady of the most holy Rosary(October 7th). I was made to be a mamma's boy! That is why I feel called to spread devotion to the Rosary and why I feel called to the P.O.R.N. Militia.
 
 
I have grown and seen a lot over these last nine (Catholic) years:
 
  • I've witnessed the death of a charismatic pope and the election of a scholarly pope
  • I've gotten to experience the Sacrament of matrimony
  • I've sponsored 4 people as they became fully Catholic
  • I started teaching R.C.I.A.
  • I started receiving the Eucharist on the tongue
  • I've been blessed to battle infertility with my wife- and as a result have learned true sexuality and  NFP (Natural Family Planning)
  • I've fallen many times, but have gotten TOTAL forgiveness in the Sacrament of Reconciliation
  • I've seen the translation of the liturgy change
  • I've become a God-Father to 3 wonderful baptized babies.
  • I've attended several A.C.T.S. retreats
  • I've started receiving the Eucharist while kneeling
  • I've lost a job
  • I've gotten to experience the Mass in Latin
  •  
  • I found out that my Bible was missing books
  •  
  • I've met wonderful patron saints: Fulton Sheen, Francis De Sales, Josemaria Escriva
  •  
  • I've found a new more God friendly job
  • I've lost friends because of my faith
  • I've started a blog
  • I've fallen more in love with C.S. Lewis as a Catholic than when I was a Protestant 
  • I've gained brothers and sisters because of my faith
  • I prayed a the abortion clinic and worked at the soup kitchen
  •  
  • I helped lead Life Teen 
  • I lost my mother
  • I accepted Mary as my personal spiritual mother
 
May this Year of Faith be a blessing to you all!
 
WITH PETER...TO JESUS...THROUGH MARY! PAX!
 

Monday, October 8, 2012

Thank you.

Well the Boot Camp is over but the war is not. I'm so humbled by the success of what started as a small idea. Originally I came up with this regiment for selfish reasons - to fight my own personal battle with lust but the Lord has used it to help others. With your help, during the boot camp, our blog received over 3000 views. People from all over the world including: Brazil, Malaysia, Indonesia, Germany, Australia, and the United Kingdom have read about the 33 Day Purity Boot Camp. The Boot Camp led to our Twitter followers doubling!

 My prayer is that at least one person had a purity awakening during this campaign. I'm thankful for every comment, prayer, email, share, LIKE, mention, and page-view.

I'll be taking some time off- 33 days of blogging will do that to you. :)

If you're bummed that you missed the Boot Camp and/or Marian Consecration, we will do it again soon.

Keep fighting. I will be reporting soon. Pax

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Total Consecration

O ETERNAL and incarnate Wisdom! O sweetest and most adorable Jesus! True God and true man, only Son of the Eternal Father, and of Mary, always virgin! I adore Thee profoundly in the bosom and splendors of Thy Father during eternity; and I adore Thee also in the virginal bosom of Mary, Thy most worthy Mother, in the time of Thine incarnation. I give Thee thanks for that Thou hast annihilated Thyself, taking the form of a slave in order to rescue me from the cruel slavery of the devil. I praise and glorify Thee for that Thou hast been pleased to submit Thyself to Mary, Thy holy Mother, in all things, in order to make me Thy faithful slave through her. But, alas! Ungrateful and faithless as I have been, I have not kept the promises which I made so solemnly to Thee in my Baptism; I have not fulfilled my obligations; I do not deserve to be called Thy child, nor yet Thy slave; and as there is nothing in me which does not merit Thine anger and Thy repulse, I dare not come by myself before Thy most holy and august Majesty. It is on this account that I have recourse to the intercession of Thy most holy Mother, whom Thou hast given me for a mediatrix with Thee. It is through her that I hope to obtain of Thee contrition, the pardon of my sins, and the acquisition and preservation of wisdom. Hail, then, O immaculate Mary, living tabernacle of the Divinity, where the Eternal Wisdom willed to be hidden and to be adored by angels and by men! Hail, O Queen of Heaven and earth, to whose empire everything is subject which is under God. Hail, O sure refuge of sinners, whose mercy fails no one. Hear the desires which I have of the Divine Wisdom; and for that end receive the vows and offerings which in my lowliness I present to thee.

I, ________________, a faithless sinner, renew and ratify today in thy hands the vows of my Baptism; I renounce forever Satan, his pomps and works; and I give myself entirely to Jesus Christ, the Incarnate Wisdom, to carry my cross after Him all the days of my life, and to be more faithful to Him than I have ever been before. In the presence of all the heavenly court I choose thee this day for my Mother and Mistress. I deliver and consecrate to thee, as thy slave, my body and soul, my goods, both interior and exterior, and even the value of all my good actions, past, present and future; leaving to thee the entire and full right of disposing of me, and all that belongs to me, without exception, according to thy good pleasure, for the greater glory of God in time and in eternity.Receive, O benignant Virgin, this little offering of my slavery, in honor of, and in union with, that subjection which the Eternal Wisdom deigned to have to thy maternity; in homage to the power which both of you have over this poor sinner, and in thanksgiving for the privileges with which the Holy Trinity has favored thee. I declare that I wish henceforth, as thy true slave, to seek thy honor and to obey thee in all things.O admirable Mother, present me to thy dear Son as His eternal slave, so that as He has redeemed me by thee, by thee He may receive me! O Mother of mercy, grant me the grace to obtain the true Wisdom of God; and for that end receive me among those whom thou lovest and teachest, whom thou leadest, nourishest and protectest as thy children and thy slaves.

O faithful Virgin, make me in all things so perfect a disciple, imitator and slave of the Incarnate Wisdom, Jesus Christ thy Son, that I may attain, by thine intercession and by thine example, to the fullness of His age on earth and of His glory in Heaven. Amen.


Friday, October 5, 2012

PRAY (Day 32)

Jesus, Lover of chastity, Mary, Mother most pure, and Joseph, chaste guardian of the Virgin, to you I come at this hour, begging you to plead with God for me. I earnestly wish to be pure in thought, word and deed in imitation of your own holy purity. Obtain for me, then, a deep sense of modesty which will be reflected in my external conduct. Protect my eyes, the windows of my soul, from anything that might dim the luster of a heart that must mirror only Christlike purity. And when the "Bread of Angels becomes the Bread of me" in my heart at Holy Communion, seal it forever against the suggestions of sinful pleasures.Heart of Jesus, Fount of all purity, have mercy on us.


Thursday, October 4, 2012

Deployment (Day 31)

Military deployment is the movement of armed forces and their logistical support infrastructure around the world. After this 33 Day Purity Boot Camp you will be ready for deployment. You will be ready for spritual war. This Boot Camp has been a long process. It hasn't been offered as a cure, but only as a door to join the purity war. So many times when we complete an extrema diet, or an extream exercise regimen- we go straight back to our old habits just as soon as we are done on the last day. People often gain all the weight back! We think of completion as a graduation rather than a deployment. The end of boot camp is only the beginning of the fight.

Proverbs 26:11
Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.


They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit. Well we have done this for 33 days and hopefully we have formed 5 new habits. Common sense will tell us (if the demands of life haven't already) that  there is no way of keeping this regimen up for ever. There is a season for everything. That is why the Church has liturgical seasons- Lent is not all year long. Soldiers do not keep the same rigorous disciplines during deployment that they kept during boot camp. What soldiers do is take what they learned in boot camp and then they apply it to real life battle situations.

So make a plan of deployment for yourself. If you don't, then you have wasted 33 days of your life!

Here is an example:

Instead of working-out everyday: pick three days to exercise
Instead of totally abstaining from secular media: set limitations-perhaps no Internet after a specific time or no movies that are rated R.
Instead of studying 20 minuets a day: Join a once a week Bible study.
Fast on Fridays because it is a day of penance.
Volunteer once a month at a charity you like.
Refresh your budget to include a small increase in tithing.
Join a book club.
Start a mans group.
Join a gym.
Pray with your family before bed.


Just like your 33 Day planed looked different from my own- so to will your deployment plan. HOWEVER I do recommend that you keep praying the rosary daily nightly! Continue to fight porn with P.O.R.N. Perpetually Offering Rosaries Nightly! The important thing is that you make a plan of action. People do not plan to fail. They fail to plan. How will you take this boot camp and make it a lifestyle? How will you keep building your habits into virtues? How will you choose daily to be the best possible version of yourself? How will you choose to be a saint?

Pray:
Almighty God
We stand before you in supplication,
Asking Your Divine mercy and protection,
To envelop with Your invincible armor,
Our loved ones who will be deployed

Give them courage and strength
Against all enemies,
Both spiritual and physical,
And hasten their safe journey,
to purity and chasity.

If it be Your Holy Will
That they be gathered to Your bosom,
With the eternal vanguard of the saints,
Let their journey to Your everlasting arms
Be swift and painless,
Where they may stand in honor and glory,
Praising You for all eternity.

Amen.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Healing Wounds With Adoption (Day 30)

Today I went and prayed at the abortion clinic. After recounting my story yesterday, I wanted to go and pray for those who are themselves helpless. As I prayed, I saw sad women. Women who have given up. I can relate to these women. I do not know them or what they have been through but deep within me I can relate to their despair. I just want to reach out and hug them- but I can not because that would be considered trespassing. So I smile at them and pray for them. I pray that they find healing and change their mind. Abortion kills more than just the baby. It kills the parents as well. It kills their soul. Abortion is wrong for the same reasons that pornography is wrong. It kills. It belittles women. It abuses the most innocent. It causes rupture in families. It hurts relationships. It misrepresents what true sexuality is. It promotes selfishness. The abortion industry and pornography industry are in bed together- pun intended. No abortion, no birth control- no pornography. It's supply and demand. They have to keep the "actress" having lots of sex and can not afford them getting pregnant. If a porn "actress" gets pregnant she cannot make money. She thinks that she only has one solution. Every time we look at porn we are giving contribution to the abortion business. Think about that: supply and demand.

So often when I'm out there praying I just want to yell out, "I will take your baby if you do not want it." And I truly mean it too. My wife and I have been battling infertility for the entirety of our marriage. We yearn for a child. Adoption may be in our future one day- it is something that we are both open to- if God wills it. I am comfortable with adoption because through the covenant of Jesus Christ, God has adopted me.


Let us quickly reflect on the Old Covenants. What is a Covenant and what is the purpose of a Covenant to begin with? A covenant is a giving of persons. "And I will walk among you, and will be your God, and ye shall be my people" Leviticus 26:12. God wants to be our Father and progressively sets up covenants to be family with us. First we see the covenant with Adam. That is a marriage between Adam and Eve, a family bond. Then we see the covenant with Noah grow to a house hold of faith with Noah’s wife, thee sons and their wives. It grows again with God’s covenant with Abraham. With Abraham we now see a family tribe. With Moses’ covenant we see the 12 tribes become one big Israelite family. David’s covenant culminates into a national kingdom. And finally in the New Testament, Jesus establishes a "New and everlasting covenant" One that embraces every ethnicity, an all embracing, and universal covenant – a catholic covenant. "But when the fullness of time had come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to ransom those under the law, so that we might receive adoption. As proof that you are children, God sent the spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying out, "Abba, Father!" So you are no longer a slave but a child, and if a child then also an heir, through God (Galatians 4:4-7).


Healing comes from adoption. I urge you to spiritually adopt a porn star. Pray for the Porn Star that you  once lusted over. Pray that she is healthy. Adopt her well being. Adopt her soul. Fast for her. Adopt any children the she killed because of poor choices. Accept responsibility for her life. Every time you clicked on her site- you made her life a worse place because you provided demand to the porn supply. Ask Mary to pray for her and ask her to make her pure. You will be surprised that the devil will stop using old images of porn stars to temp you- because you are praying for them when he does!

God loves you and looks on you as a  beloved child- we have to do the same with others.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Parental Wounds - Part 2 (Day 29)

My mother’s health continually got worse. To deal with the pain, she had to have a morphine pump surgically positioned in her body. Her drug abuse also spiraled out of control and climaxed on Christmas morning of my sixth grade year. We were living with my loving aunt and her family. My aunt made me feel very comfortable and very accepted. Everything was starting to feel kind of “normal” again. And for once I was actually looking forward to something- to Christmas! It was going to be Big this year and all my extended family was going to be there. Everyone was so excited to open presents that morning. Everyone was excited -until they saw my mother. Apparently she overdosed the night before. Christmas was ruined- with an audience watching seizures and an emergency room trip. I don’t remember opening my presents that day but I do remember crying in bed once again asking God, “Why? Why this? Why on Christmas?” After many of these episodes, my aunt finally decided to kick my mother out in response to her “festive” behavior. As a child I had to make a choice that no child should make. To leave with my mother and be homeless or to stay where I had shelter, love and a chance to be normal. Hesitantly, I chose to stay living with my aunt and it broke my mother’s heart. I felt so guilty- I understood that my mother could not take care of me but I longed for the days before her accident. Some of my earliest memories were of car rides to school, she wouldn’t let me listen to the radio, instead we sang corny praise and worship songs. My mother taught me all about Jesus and the Bible. She read the Bible to me all throughout my childhood, sparking in me a love for theology. She prayed with me and over me constantly. She never made me go to“children’s” church, but let me stay and learn with the adults. When I was a young child, she would give me anything I asked for, because she took joy in making me happy-and it was that year, that I felt like I was turning my back on her.
From that time on, I lived with my aunt. Most of the time, I slept on the couch and had no real place to put my possessions. She offered me what she had, but it was still far from "status quo". In high school, I put on a facade and appeared to be a normal kid. For once, I got to do normal kid things like sports, sleepovers, and even go on dates. My first date was with a girl named Annie. Annie and I went on our first date about 15 years ago. It still just seems like yesterday-I was super nervous! We went to Casa Ole and then we went to the movies to see Super Star. The biggest memory I have from the whole entire night was the feeling of extreme butterflies in the pit of my stomach. Annie always made me feel ok to be me. Finally, I had found someone who I could be honest with. Someone I could finally tell my secrets to, and for once I decided to take the mask off. One weekend, at a restaurant, I told Annie everything about my life. Things that I had never uttered to a soul, soon rushed out of my lips and filled the stucco booth in which we were sitting. My gushing emotions took Annie by surprise and her look of shock sent me retreating to the men’s room. I threw myself on the toilet and began to sob hysterically. I knew for sure that I had run off the one person that made me feel so good about myself. As I sat there I noticed hot pink toenail polish in front of me under the stall. To my surprise Annie had come after me and held me in the men’s room. That day I found out what love really looked like- hot pink toenail polish. 


Looking back, I know that what I had mistaken for butterflies were in fact just caterpillars and it has been a sacred gift to be able to watch this 15 year metamorphosis which turned those caterpillars into beautiful meaningful butterflies. Everything was perfect about Annie except- SHE WAS A CATHOLIC!
Yes a CATHOLIC! My mother taught me ALL about Catholics. How they prayed to statues, how they worshiped Mary, how they were doomed to hell. I was brought up Baptist and you could also say “anti-catholic.” I remember visiting a Catholic Church for the first time. I went home thinking, “Dang those people act like drones.” I mean gosh they didn’t even bring their Bibles to church, and to make matters worse, it was boring! I made a long list of complaints withina week. I was for certain that the Catholic Church was off-kilter in its teachings, and I certainly wanted to prove it to Annie. I finally started talking to Annie's father, about my objections to the Church’s teachings. He answered a lot of my questions, but more importantly taught me a valuable lesson. “How can I judge something I do not understand?” So my new mission was to find information. Only with knowledge can people make up their own opinions. I started out very determined to prove the Catholic Church wrong. But as it turns out, all the answers I found went against my original opinions. For example, I perceived that the Catholic was unbiblical, but through study I realized that the Mass is soaked in Scripture, and Scripture is soaked with the Mass. If someone were to go to every Sunday Mass, for three years, he or she would have read the Bible almost in its entirety. So I plea to you, whether you are Catholic or Protestant do not make judgments—instead find information. The Great Bishop Fulton Sheen said this, "There are not over a hundred people in the United States who hate the Catholic Church. There are millions, however, who hate what they wrongly believe to be the Catholic Church, which is of course, quite a different thing." I found myself to be among the millions of uneducated and that most of the “Church’s problems” were really“Cody’s problems” through unawareness. Converting to Catholicism was not a walk in the park though; it was by far not an easy process. I remember one night of study specifically. I was lying in bed reading a book about the Catholic Church. The truth was overwhelming, and turning each page was heavy. Tears began to roll down my cheek and I asked God, “Why? Why have you let me believe these other doctrines for all these years? And now You’re going to turn my life upside down by revealing that all I have known about You was not the FULL truth?”

I was confirmed later that year. My confirmation is a blur in my mind, but I do remember one specific action, reciting the Our Father. Specifically “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven…” As I proclaimed those words I began to finally understand God’s will in my life. Things were immediately clear from the words of that petition, I knew God had a will with and for me and it must become the measure of my willing and being.  The key to the fulfillment of the petition “Thy kingdom come” is the fulfillment of the next one, “Thy will be done.” The way for God’s kingdom to come is the easiest thing in the world to understand and the hardest thing in the world to accomplish: simply turning over all our will to God. We can begin to do this, even if we do not do it completely. To choose to begin is our “fundamental option”, our most absolute choice.  As C.S. Lewis said, “There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done’; and those to whom God says, in the end, ‘Thy will be done.’” Sin means that my will is in rebellion against God. By saying (and meaning) “Thy will be done,” I declare my will to end this rebellion and make peace with God by submitting my will to his, by willing what he wills done. All those times that I had painfully asked, “Why God? Why are you doing this to me? Why is this happening to me? Why are you hurting me?” melted away. I realized that God wasn’t out to get me, but on the contrary like it says in 1Cor. 10:13, “God is faithful and will not allow you to go through things beyond your strength, but will provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it.”   Blaming God is always our first reaction when something bad happens but it’s not God’s fault.  To be honest we have no real clue what is going on. We are like toddlers being taken to get our immunizations shots. From our point of view the needles hurt and don’t seem profitable. We kick and scream and cry because we don’t understand what is going on. We feel betrayed by our parents who brought us here to get  held down and tortured. We cannot see as children how these small pains and pricks will prevent the larger pains of disease.  In the same way, as children of God we cannot see how the pains of life will prevent us from greater pain in the end. We forget so easily that Jesus experienced all the same pains, trials, and temptations that we face today. Jesus’ career as a carpenter was intense and physically demanding. He suffered poverty, misunderstanding from His own family, and betrayal by one of His intimate friends, being jeered at and manhandled by the police, and even execution by torture. He knows what we are going though. He’s experienced it. The Son of God suffered unto the death, not that men might not suffer, but that their sufferings might be like his.
 
My Mother passed away on May 12, 2008. For the first time, when something bad happened in my life, I didn’t ask why. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5. As much as it hurt, I just accepted it. These words were lying beside my mother’s body and evidently she wrote them concerning her last thoughts:

"What your works are at the time of your death, for you can fall from grace but at your time of death will you be living doing as you where taught even till your last b­­­____."
I 'm not exactly sure what the last word is but I still understand what she is trying to say. Her words assure me that today’s tears, will be dried with tomorrows laughter. Today’s doubts will be trampled by tomorrow’s assurances. Today’s lonesomeness will be swallowed up by tomorrow’s embraces. Today’s grief will be blown away with tomorrow’s hope. “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for your woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope” (Jer 29:11).
Thus far, my life has been bitter-sweet. Truly a life to remember, but also a life to forget. People say“time flies,” but I do not. My life has arrogantly crept at its own pace. People ask, “Where did the time go?” but I do not . I can almost account for each second. My life has been littered with heartbreak, humiliation, death, guilt, and uncertainty. My life has violently shaken and uprooted the thing referred to as “faith.” Faith in anything: relationships, aptitudes, finances, God, and even one’s own heartbeat. My life has been a slow death. A death to self-identity. A death to worldly ideals. A death to childhood views concerning love. A death to being in control. “Amen, amen, I say to you , unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will preserve it for eternal life” (Jn 12:24-25). My life’s deaths have produces much fruit: new friendships, self-rediscovery, new talents, family reunions and an awakening to Christ’s love. Let us be thankful for yesterdays struggles and let us pray that we are strong enough to do God’s will today.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Parental Wounds Part 1 (Day 28)

We all have them. Sometimes we brush them off—most of the time we suppress them. And without realizing it- we use them as a crutch.  “Parental wounds” Oh, and you do have them; it doesn’t matter if you had award winning parents or dead-beat “role models.” UNLESS you are Jesus Christ- you have them. And guess what? Your kids will have parental wounds as well. It is because we as humans are not perfect- we are fallen creatures.  We intentionally and unintentionally hurt people- especially the people who look up to us the most. We have parental wounds because our hearts yearn for the perfect parent, but the perfect parents can only be found in God the Father, and in the Virgin Mary. Christ is the only one with perfect parents. Typically, we do not realize our parents’ imperfections until later in life- until we are hurt and confused. We spend the rest of our adolescent years trying to figure it all out- the resentment builds and we try finding what’s missing in other worldly things. Often that’s where pornography steps in. We are trying to heal the parental wounds with what we think, will sooth them. But anything other than God, makes the wounds fester. Saint Augustine is famous for saying, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” Chesterton put it another way, “Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God.” We are all looking for answers, pleasure, comfort, peace. But all the world offers is salt water for thirsty hearts: the more you drink, the more you thirst. In the end you are unhappy and spiritually dehydrated.  We have to face our parental wounds in order to beat porn addiction. Pornography dependence was initially a byproduct of some other problem. We have to look back at our life and ask “what,” but never “why.”

 Looking back, I have found myself asking “why” many times in my own life. The first time I can really account noticing my parental wounds was when I was nine years old. It was the first time that I had ever tried out for little league baseball.  I remember how beautiful the day was. The sun was so bright that I had to squint constantly- which really didn’t help me to catch many fly balls. As I was trying out, I heard uproars of encouragement, from all the other boys’ fathers. And I thought to myself, “It must be neat to have a dad.” That day only got worse when they announced coaches, and I found out who my coach was going to be. That day I had the pleasure of finding out that my motherwas going to be the first ever boys baseball coach in the city where I lived. Really? My Mom? Coach? My world was crumbling around me. I was so embarrassed that I went home and went straight to bed crying. I sobbingly asked God, “Why are you doing this to me? First no Dad, and now this?” I felt so dysfunctional. But to my surprise, my world did not end that baseball season. It actually was a lot of fun and our team won first place. Looking back, I am amazed at my mother’s actions. I didn’t understand them as I child, but my mother was trying to be the father I didn’t have. I can’t imagine the amount of guts it took for her to decide to coach that year. I can’t imagine the amount of guts it took my mother to wake up every day and work two jobs to support her only son.

My mother seriously injured her back soon after that baseball season. Her zeal for supporting me caused her near paralysis. That year she underwent multiple surgeries and found out that she could never work again.  Our life went from normally dysfunctional to uncertain poverty. I had to grow up a lot that year. I went from thinking about baseball to thinking about things a little boy shouldn’t be been thinking about: where we were going to live, what we were going to eat, and how we were going to pay bills? My mother fell into a state of depression and soon was hooked on pain killers and antidepressants. We bounced around from house to house, from family member to family member. I remember one night specifically, the eve of my cousins wedding. We were staying with distant family. That night a family member asked if I wished to come to his room and talk about the civil war. With haste I agreed. I loved hearing him talk about history. He was one of the only male figures I had, and his stories memorized me. But that night, I didn’t learn about the battle of Gettysburg- I was molested. That night I learned what it truly felt like to be helpless. What it truly felt like to be betrayed by a loved one.  I’ve blocked most of the uneventful night out of my memory. But I do remember how cold and stale the air smelt, and how numb I felt inside. I cried that night knowing that I couldn’t ever tell anyone what happened to me. I remember thinking, “Where were you God?”

Part 2 coming tomorrow.

PRAY:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things rightif I surrender to His Will;That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with HimForever in the next.
Amen.